Friday Nights With Beneath the Grief Ministries Counseling Services.

On Friday Nights I would like to introduce you to the podcast and Periscope’s Topics

he

Let’s Talk about Grief

The Coach’s Corner

The Narcissist.

Each scope and podcast may not be in order and who knows.  Another topic can follow

 

 

Podcasts will be available on Periscope @ Beneaththegrief, twitter and Anchor.fm, On the Beneath the Grief Ministry Network. Overcast, Castbox.fm, Stitcher, Breaker, .spotify, Itunes and Google Podcasts

Here are the latest Podcast:

 

8/9 Coaching and Motivation

8/16 Grief and Self Rejection

8/31/ Let’s Talk about Coaching. Why a Coach

9/7/ The Narcissist 

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Grief and Coveting

LaRenda Jones, PhD Podcast created 8/28/22

Coveting is desiring what someone else has. We may not want to admit we see coveting often but, it seems to have a blind eye of those who experience it and and don’t pay attention to it. It’s grief, as We live in a society filled with desires to have what others have and this is bothersome. Coveting also brings attention to the self. Being self centered on the self, will distant people away. Thoughts can become excessive and extreme when a coveted goes through drastic measures to get what he wants from the other person.

One danger behind coveting is it can create stress and financial ruin, The stress will stay on the mind because the person is only thinking about ways to have that object they want. Relationships can be destroyed because the other person who is not coveting can blame themselves. These relations wlll become ruined.

Another greater danger is coveting is forbidden according to the 10 Commandments in the Bible. Exodus 20:17 (KJV) Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.. Reviewing the scripture it’s clear the commandment forbids coveting. So why do it if it only brings grief?

Maybe some don’t see coveting as a big deal because the behavior is ingrained in them to want. However, that very thing a coveter desires may harm them in the long run. Coveting what one has will have serious drawbacks that can result in lacking joy and peace. There will always be a craving and thinking how to get more.

Coveting has roots and will lead to other sins. Overall it can be an idol. There are differences between envying and coveting. Envying is having the feeling of discontent and resentment. Coveting is the craving, wanting and longing for what someone else possesses.

Another danger in coveting is when a person is in denial and They don’t see they are hurting themselves and setting themselves up to lose valuable relations. Coveting is definitely grevious if not addressed. However, there are ways to overcome coveting.

Here are a few tips:

1. Do not buy what you don’t need but only what you need.

2. If you own a credit card. Get rid of it.

3.Earn the Right to better stuff.

4. Explore and change the concept of being happy.

Should you know someone who covets. Suggest they get help and talk to some

Should you.know someone who covets, suggest they talk to someone.

HandleyourgriefthereishopeNothingIsImpossible

Building Up Faith

The believer needs faith and should want so much of it that it is pouring out of his/her skin. Faith is believing no matter what anyone says, think or even can imagine. Their faith is solid from within. Building up faith is like taking a walk and you cannot see what’s in front of you but you believe What was promised to you.

There are a few ways building faith can be seen. Start small if it’s difficult to have giant faith. Luke 17:6 (KJV) And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you. The encouragement is to have the mustard seed faith

As your faith builds you don’t question or doubt it. If you examine the scriptures, you will see many of the faith giants I call them because they each had authentic faith in God. Abraham being one of faith, Romans 4:20 (KJV) He staggered not at the promise of God through unbelief; but was strong in faith, giving glory to God. With faith God gets the glory from the act of faith. When you have faith u belie diminishes because faith is building up.

Hold on to your faith and put it into action. God does not forget faithfulness. Dont depend on man to validate your faith. Only.God can do this. Your duty is to trust him in him with your heart, mind and soul.

How are you building your faith?

Grief and Toxicity

I wrote on this very same topic back 2019. Toxicity has manifested double and triple since then. Toxiicity as I see includes the narcissist because the behavior of toxic people reminds me of a narcissist. Toxicity also reminds me of ants you cannot see. They bite you when you least expect them to. Toxic people can drain strength from you.Their problems center around themselves whereas others cannot see their own circumstances clearly and this creates stress for them. The time wasted with a toxic person will drain you and one will lose sleep and easily become distracted.

Grief will surface when we try to take on a toxic person and help them when in actuality,they are exhibiting manipulative and controlling ways to get others to adhere to what they want.

Healthy minded people need caution toxic people because they will try to create scenarios to make a healthy person think opposite to who.they are. We like people so we put up with people often but everyone is not healthy. The toxic person is not healthy. Don’t allow them in your space if you see they need help.

Toxicity also exhibits signs in the physical body as well. The grief physically is now you feel the physical pain in your body. A few physical signs to watch for is poor circulation, swelling in the muscles, digestive problems, poor skin and obesity. There are many more toxic symptoms that can affect the body. Just a few to be aware of.

The mental toxicity in the mind can feel ten times worse when you feel you don’t understand someone’s behavior because they are toxic in nature. One way I hear many get angry with regarding toxic people is when they make a person angry and never apologize for their behavior. Don’t expect an apology it will never happen. Toxic people exhibit confused behaviors so you will not understand them.

Managing toxicity in relationships; change them entirely and not allow yourself to continue to affect your space and peace. I included a list in this blog to help you manage dealing with toxic people. Get a new list of friends. For one thing, change your mindset. People want to belong and be happy. We tend to put up with behavior in people we need distant ourselves of. Respect your own boundaries.

Toxicity is also in the Bible. Being a faith – based therapist, I prefer to follow the guidance of what the Bible says about toxic people. The scriptures are instructions on how to shun evil and leave wicked relations.

Isaiah 43:19 (KJV) Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert.

Have a Blessed Peaceful and Safe Day.

Dr. Jones

Therapy and the Coping Skill

Photo by mentatdgt on Pexels.com

In the therapy rooms there is an atmosphere that to each person its different. One person can say they feel they are tensed and another person can say they feel happy and another person can say they feel fearful. In any therapy room its expected by the therapist to have thoughts about the person she/he is about to see. The therapist desires to present a warm, nurturing and relaxed environment. They want the client to feel comfortable talking about the presenting problem.

The client who enters the therapy room has expectations.They are going to receive results. Clients minds does weight on the financial obligations they are faced with in the therapy room but, overall they are seeking for answers.

The therapist should give the client their undivided attention. The client should feel they are heard, can ask for clarification from any question and made to feel comfortable to speak.

I like to ponder what clients are thinking before they enter the room. I wonder am I the right fit, can I service them and provide what they need ? The big question I ask myself of every client is what do they want? The therapist has to be three steps ahead in their exploration skills because clients have wants and often its challenging for them to explain what they need.

The therapist makes an assessment not an assumption. A rule of thumb, never assume ask the person for clarification of what they mean. Who knows best the client. Clients who had past experiences of feeling judged are familiar with the pattern because they were judged by everyone. The therapist must caution not to judge. Therapy is like a puzzle. The person is trying to put the pieces together but, if the pieces don’t fit you have to find the right piece of the puzzle. Pieces of a puzzle get lost, they can get wet, they can fade in color and they can get loose and not stay in place in the puzzle. Clients are like puzzles. They enter therapy with unique problems that has many pieces in their story that need to come together.

The therapist who has the client with the puzzle in their life that is stressful, angry, sad, depressed and even grieved, have a toolbox for them. The toolbox should be full of ideas for the client to take with them. The coping skills clients need, this is where the tests comes in for the therapist. I heard a client say to me once ” if I don’t feel you can give me something to take with me then why should I come? Explore what the client means when they ask you for something. They are seeking for something like trying to find the missing treasure.

Help the client not to be dependent on you as the therapist but to look at themselves and discover whats within them.

I ask clients what have they tried in the past and what they think need to be done differently in the future. I notice clients ask for several coping skills to manage their problems. They forget or get busy and forget to use coping skills learned. I encourage therapists to revisit coping skills repeatedly until the client becomes aware that you as the therapist knows if they are avoiding to use the skill. Yes clients like to play with the therapist too.

The client has to want the help.

Client’s resistance to use coping skills needs an exploration as to why they resist. Resistance can be unconscious fear that a client may feel uncomfortable bringing to therapy which can be why they resist using the coping skills. Clients also resist because they had negative experiences. Resistance can appear tough when the therapist is trying to delve into a client’s resistance. Test the waters. Make surr the client is ready to work. They have to want the help

Therapy and the coping skill work together. In therapy, the client can see the benefit in coming and with the coping skill they can learn the benefit to cope. Help your client see both.

Dr. La Renda Jones

Beneath the Grief Ministries Counseling Services

Grief and the Lack of Information Why?

There is a great deal of grief in the area of information in society. The information is available but there are many reasons why its lacking that presents grief.” Let’s face it everyone grieves something”. The lack of information doesn’t have to be grevious but if not utilized it can and will only become worse. Let’s look at grief in the areas of lack of information.

Why is Information lacking?

Fear:

Information is available but fear robs us of moving forward to get the information one needs. The grief behind the lack of information is that one is robbed of the benefits of having the information available to them. The grief behind fear is, it does go away until it is challenged, expressed and faced.

Procrastination:

Procrastination is not helpful when one is trying to achieve a goal. If one delays the process of obtaining information they need; they delay getting it, time will pass them by and the information is no longer available. The grief in procrastination is the cycle continues and delays will continue.

Avoidance:

Avoidance will not get one the information they need, their life will will continue to never face challenges. Avoidance is only running away from the facts. Information is powerful but avoiding to get it will bring grief. Avoidance will only make the brain become a mental block. One cannot grow when they avoid.

Refusal:

Refusal to get the information one needs is only hurting the person who needs the information and when one refuses to get the information, they may never receive it again. The grief behind refusal is an underline unconscious problem that one may not want to look at. When we refuse to go after information it can be an underline grief regarding ones self esteem.

Information lacking needs research? Do you research the information that you lack? Want a tip? ask questions andh don’t accept only what someone else says. Get answers for yourself!

Faith and The Mindset

The Bible gives the best definition of faith

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hope for the evidence of things not seen

The mindset with faith should go together. Within our minds, body soul and spirit, having faith in the mind can and does have benefits. With faith in the mind, when you don’t see, you believe and when you do, you still believe. A carnal mind will think carnal and faith will not enter in because the mindset has doubts. Doubt and faith doesn’t mix because faith will be challenged in a mind full of doubt, Doubt in the mind runs like a leaking pipe and continues to leak. Let go of the doubt and put faith in its place within the mind and doubt will eventually subside. Substance is solid and faith should be solid within the mind.. The effects from faith with a believing mindset will affect all parts of the body because the believer knows what he believes in and has a mindset full of faith. Faith in the mindset, will hold on to the promise of what’s not seen in the physical and a determined mindset will produce positive results.

Faith and the mindset is powerful when one thinks about it. A few comments about faith and the mindset:

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him. ,

Faith and the mindset can go together like a team. The team of faith and the mindset can work with each other and they have a mascot routing for them. The mascot is God. Faith in God is mandatory and there are instructions God gives to those who belong to him. Faith will develop within the mind when one believes what God says and acts upon his word. Faith has rewards and brings forth a mind that will be strengthened when faith is activated. Often faith is challenged and distractions comes into a persons mind. The distractions can cause depression and oftentimes fear. When one turns their faith to God and they turn their situations over to him, he will give strength to get through and challenge the fears to be given to him. The person who is seeking God diligently and is running the race, God rewards them when he sees their faith. The person has to develop a mindset that believes God for their life to develop their faith. A determined mind with faith in Christ will see great results.

Faith in the Mindset brings great results

James 2:8 Yea a man say, show hast thou hast faith, and I have works. Shew me thy faith without work and I will show you my faith by works.

A mindset with faith can have powerful results. A person who exhibits strong faith will demonstrate their faith by how he/she lives and how they practices faith. Speaking faith is not enough, anyone can say. ” I have faith” and have none at all. A person who has faith has a belief system in God and speaks through the name of Christ. The person’s mind is not wishy washy in their faith and they believe what they say according to scripture. God’s word will be the center of a person who has solid faith. A person with strong faith will know prayer is the key that unlocks the door and their mindset will follow with the word and promises of God. Faith and the mindset working together each will bring expected results.

Prayer is powerful in Faith and the Mindset

1 Thessalonians 5:17 Pray without Ceasing

A mind willing to pray opens a heart willing to gain faith. The Holy Ghost will guide our walk and will increase our faith as we believe what God can do in our lives. Thinking about faith for God to proclaim an act, I find my mind just accepts and believes God and what He says. I am saying this from my own experience having faith in God. My mind is saying, you know what God has done and what he can do. The word of God will back up faith in God. Prayer is a key that unlocks a door to faith. The more you pray and rely on God; you will sense a strengthening in the brain cells. Praying in faith with a mindset to pray is like a system that works together like a team. Prayer is a must and is an ongoing process for the believer. Faith in God is a requirement too and having the mind of Christ putting the word in it. Faith and the mindset will be powerfui.

Matthew 4:4 It is written, man shall not live by bread alone, but ever word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God

Real faith in the mindset is not just believing what someone says but, to have backup and proof to what you are saying. The Bible gives the believer nourishment to gain a better prayer life, a heart open to hear what God says and act upon what his word says. God’s word will stand forever, God’s mouth said it, therefore believe it and have faith in your mindset.

Lets Pray:

Jesus Christ we thank your for this day, and ask that your forgive us of our sins. We ask Jesus that you touch our minds to gain your faith because we want to please you. Jesus we fight in our minds often, help us be aware of the distractions and touch our minds with your divine hands. We need more faith in our lives Jesus. We are weak creatures and cannot do anything without you. Touch these minds with the strength that only you can give. Give us the boldness to stand forth and proclaim what you say. Give us the boldness we need, to speak your truth and believe in faith in the mindset that you have done the work and you will be given the praise, glory and honor in Jesus Name we say thank your for victory.

Grief and Compromise

Grief can be beneficial or it can destroy in compromising. Compromising can be grevious as well. Its okay to say, one does not know how to compromise. There is help to avail but for one to walk into a poor relationship or expetience a negative situation that could have been avoided due to negative compromising is sad.

I would suggest get the proper info to help the compromising process to run smoothly. Compromising to get on top is not always the direction to take. Grief can enter into a compromise that not one party suffers but all parties can suffer. There can be substantial conquences when inappropriate compromising is done. Compromising decisions need a clear mind, less distractions and definitely a plan. In my book Grief to Groweth, a chapter was dedicated to making negotiations which are needed when one compromises. A sound negotiation in a compromising situation can be a win win for everyone involved when compromises are clear.

When is the last time you compromised in a decision and you felt the situation made you feel like it was grief to you? Do you make good compromises or weak ones? Were you satisfied with the results from your negotiation? Advocate for yourself when you need to compromise. Never accept what someone is saying just to sway your decisions. Do not accept what you do not understanand make clear your expectations tips.from any compromise and ask questions. Take a few tips:

  1. Listen Attentively
  2. Know the Consequences
  3. Have Alternatives
  4. Learn how to draw the line

Grief and Aftermath

After an aftermath of a situation or a problem grief can occur. The aftermath of any situation can be cleaned and healed. Hearts and minds must agree, those involved has to show to be responsible and agree to accept what they must do to get results from the affects of the aftermath.

Just like any problem grieve the feelings involved after the aftermathWhen an aftermath occurs, please don’t deny and procrastinate its presence. The grief will only intensify.

Let us look at how we can contribute to clean up the aftermath of the problems we experience; whether it be personally, physically, mentally or spiritually. Let us make efforts to avoid those grievious moments by handling them and accepting our parts.

What are some Aftermath you need address? Think about it?

.

Grief and Pain

Grief and Pain tie together because they both have great significance in ones life. Grief is relevant because a person experiences grief when they are going through pain. Pain is not just the physical but the mental, the emotional and the spiritual. Grief and pain cannot stand apart from one another even though we wish they did.

When I think about grief, I have a huge imagination of what grief looks like in pain. One example is in suicide. Suicide was already at an all time high until the pandemic came along. Conditions in communities and the world at large has brought grief to the surface in the area of pain and suicide.

Which comes first one would ask? The pain would sucome first because there is reason for the pain. Working with teens and families in my career I saw pain with children and teens was due to isolation, frustration, socialization, family problems, self esteem, school problems, mental health problems and the list is endless. Working with younger children was harder to see the pain because they are learning and growing to understand themselves. Play therapy with the younger children is a great idea to get them to talk about pain. They can show through a toy, an object what they are trying to say. I got signals when children were frustrated because they showed abuse through the toys or the objects. Adolescents are more open and will show through having behavior problems and oftentimes presented angry feelings. Adolescents are sensitive and have to be somewhat coached to talk about their feelings. Oftentimes they have difficulty expressing the meaning behind feelings and may exhibit self harming behaviors which is a cry for help. The new approach through reaching adolescents better is through social media. Adolescents like to use their phones and chatting with them through texts and video formats you can be successful talking to them.

Parents and the individuals cannot be left out the equation regarding pain. Single parents struggle with the children and having to be the bread winner this is a trigger for their pain to surface. Two family parents struggle also and depending on the situation there are moments where one member may suffer depression and anxiety and exhibit pain. Individuals can struggle with pain because of feeling alone and having huge amounts of responsibility pressed upon them and will exhibit pain. No one escapes pain in life and the load can get too hard to bare.

Suicide in pain needs attention immediately. There needs to be a plan to help anyone who is feeling suicidal. The pain to a suicidal person feel numb, fatigue, depressed, overwhelmed, fearful, unclear thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and desperation. Suicidal people are great pretenders and can hold a smile on their face and you would never know they have a plan to end their own life. Everyone needs support especially when you hear a cry for help. Suicidal cannot be pushed over the edge to give away their death plans. Skills of listening and watching the body language, facial gestures, verbal and non verbal communication must be taken into consideration.

Here comes the part that hurts the most but fits with pain, the grief.The grief that a person carries in suicide needs major intervention. The grief and pain combined can cause one to be suicidal. As grief specialist, I don’t take one part and leave the other. Grief hurts and grief can also tip someone over the edge to end their life.

Pain and having grief that causes suicide as mentioned needs a plan from the beginning. A few tips regarding addressing suicide in general are to have strong economic supports, stronger access and delivery of suicidal care, identify and support people at risk of suicide, lessons harms and prevent future risks. The higher the suicide rates goes up the more awareness there needs to be. Grief and pain goes together when one feels suicidal.

Dr, Jones,